alright.. so i had some other ics worker today, so zack wasn't able to assist me in calling the housing agency today. the ics worker that i DID have said zack would be here on monday though. so HOPEFULLY i have help on monday getting registered for this housing agency.
i can't figure out what stimulates my mom and sister to stalk me. there's nothing they can do to stop me from getting where I TRULY want to be in life (which happens to be FAR away from both of them). i chose to move far away from both of them because they give me negative vibes and they have nothing but negative intentions for me. they're more interested in using me as a step stool (so to speak) to live their lives and are both miserable- so misery loves company and they figure they'll get an advantage from me. my sister doesn't have any REAL qualifications to get her hired (she's just lucky my grandma's brother is a supervisor at some creamery/manufacturing like place, so he got her a job- although i'm not positive she still even works it.. it was so long ago when i went to my mom's place and seen my grandma and her brother, chances are she got fired because my great uncle said that she was a hard worker but she got in trouble all the time because her deadbeat boyfriend would make her late or miss work). when i got into my car accident, i was 16 and going into 11th grade- i could've just dropped out of school because of my traumatic brain injury as a result of the car accident and i was in my wheelchair in high school. HOWEVER- i stuck it out and graduated high school with HONORS- i KNEW that i wouldn't have a chance at being employed if i dropped outta school. my sister gets pregnant in 7th or 8th grade.. what does she do? DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, NEVER TO RETURN. she is just lucky as hell that my grandma's brother is/was a supervisor of the creamery to be employed.. she really can't count on ever getting employed if she doesn't get that damn high school diploma. so i'm not really sure why she tries to be like me because we're both clearly NOTHING alike. i happen to have this thing called "INTEGRITY" which she clearly lacks. then we got my mom who also stalks me.. she also doesn't have a thing in common with me besides our DNA. so she's also got that inclination to mimic her own daughter (me). i'm not sure if she's doing this to look good in front of her favorite child (my sister), so they can have something to talk about and bond over? i'm just trying to survive and make a living for myself. i don't need some unaccomplished bums to cling to me to distract me from my goals. play cards or board games with each other. find something else to bond over which isn't as pointless as mimicing or mocking me. you're not gonna gain ANYTHING from it but a pissed off sister and daughter.
ics helped me schedule an ot evaluation today. i'm thinking it was at gillette again.. the only thing i think i really need occupational therapy for is to get my driver's license again. the last time i went to gillette for an ot evaluation, this old therapist seen me in the gym area and i was waiting for my appointment and she said to me, "oh.. not YOU AGAIN!" i'm almost positive she failed me during my last evaluation.. maybe both of my previous times. i'm not sure what her problem is with me but i better not have that old bag as an occupational therapist again. i'm almost positive she spoke to my grandma when she was alive (yes.. i was doing occupation therapy when my grandma was still alive and my grandma spoke to the OT herself and my grandma said she was an "old bag" when she got done speaking to her on the phone, when she attempted to advocate for me to get my driver's license again). so i tried courage kenny again for the driving program and those dicks just attempted to take advantage of my lack of advocacy. i have my driver's permit and i've passed my permit knowledge test at least 3 or 4 times.. i used to drive my ex's car around burnsville when we were in a relationship. i'm not a clueless wreckless driver. people are just trying to take advantage of my lack of advocacy.. so i'm not sure i'll even get my driver's license again from this state because everyone is so concerned about themselves that they ignore the fact that I was NOT driving the car in my accident (OR EVEN DRINKING for that matter- which is why i sustained a traumatic brain injury because i didn't have alcohol in my immune system to paralyze it!.. unlike tim and i assume zack- he just happened to be in the wrong area of the car at the wrong time) and i've passed the damn driving knowledge test NUMEROUS TIMES. the fact that i'm more than likely just wasting my time trying to get shit done for myself just dawned on me but i "GOT THIS!" *rolls eyes* you're just enabling people to take advantage of my efforts and desire not to be a vulnerable helpless person that depends on others for EVERYTHING.. shit.. my grandma was so naive.. she put confidence in people to help me get places when they just throw their hands up and say, "YOU GOT THIS!" while refusing to actually help me. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ASKING YOU TO DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR FOR ME DURING THE LICENSE TEST AND PASS THE LICENSE TEST FOR ME, PROVIDING ME WITH A VEHICLE OF COURSE.. i'm pretty sure people were also ignoring and neglecting me so i lose my ability to drive and my confidence, so i just wither away and depend on other people for everything while i get weaker and older (and possibly just kill myself outta frustration of NO ONE ALLOWING ME TO DO THINGS I'M CAPABLE OF DOING JUST TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME- they're probably depending on my mental health problems to make me go crazy), so i'm eventually too old to drive- thanks a lot assholes. even jesse and james had their damn driver's licenses when i lived in burnsville and NEITHER of them can walk. so don't try to pull that excuse out of your ass. i could walk better than BOTH of them- i just lack advocacy. this guy who lived at the apartment that i lived at in the apartment on marshall ave. before this one has his driver's license and he ONLY had ONE fuckin leg. my ex has his driver's license and *gasps* he ONLY has ONE eye! it's all advocacy being the reason why i don't have my license anymore. I'M SICK OF GOING TO COURAGE KENNY. i've failed thair driving program at least three times.. why's that? ADVOCACY. YES.. MINNESOTA DOES HAVE THIS COMMON PROBLEM OF TAKING ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE WHO LACK ADVOCACY. chances are- you can't say shit to defend them because YOU have NEVER experienced being vulnerable and lacking advocacy. now remove your head from your entitled, negligent asses AND GO READ SOME BOOKS ON "EMPATHY". another reason why i HATE THIS state. it seriously fucks with my mental health seeing as NO ONE gives a damn except for making their own negligent careless asses look GOOD. i'm starting to understand why this girl (who i really don't like because she always finds a way to make problems with me) is content with not having a driver's license. she probably figured that people wouldn't give it to her anyway- so it doesn't pay to get herself all upset for something that isn't gonna happen. i'm not saying i agree with it but i understand why she doesn't try. it's not fair that people can be this damn selfish to stop another person from doing something they have the ability to do just because they want this person to be dependant on others for something. if i had people who ACTUALLY fucking cared about me- I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS DIFFICULTY.
No comments:
Post a Comment